I have always had nightmares and trauma dreams, pretty much as far back as I can remember. Sometimes they are filled with with violence, assault, terror and running or fighting. Sometimes there is nothing but a glimpse of something that just makes me sad.
Last night I had one of those dreams that just lasts all night. I woke up briefly but couldn’t get up around midnight, then again at 1am then 2am, finally was able to get up. The same dream the entire time.
START DREAM
I was laying there in the dark in the bed I share with my hubby of 30 years, gardenrat. He wasn’t moving and it didn’t take too long in the start of the dream to identify he had passed away and I just held him against me in the bed crying. I knew when morning came that I would have to let go of him, and I couldn’t do it.
There was a huge anxiety too as time passed in the dream and I could see the dawn starting to appear in the windows and my anxiety just got worse.
The entire time in the background, Elvis Presley was singing “Can’t Help Falling in Love” in the darkness, from some radio in the distance.
STOP DREAM
The dream never ended or changed except for me to occasionally wake up. Probably didn’t help that I got to see the best gay representation episode I ever saw on TV today (episode 3 of Last of Us) after the dream.
The way the episode ended in their bedroom was probably even rougher than it would have been without the dream. Don’t regret watching the episode, but it means I have been crying on and off all day.
Tales From The Little Blue House 